Where Top-Hat, Red-Carpet Service is Practically A Motto!



Have recent ponderous headlines left you nostalgic for the feel-good stories of the good ol' early days of the "W" honeymoon, like those cute nicknames the new President was busy bestowing on anyone who entered his orbit, including members of a momentarily disarmed and befuddled press corps?  To rekindle the positive spirit of that giddy time of easily exceeded low expectations, here's the latest, most complete list of those cute Presidential nickames, every one of them culled, gleaned and downright stolen from major media sources.
USTR Robert Zoellick "Rob"
HHS Secy Tommy Thompson "Tom"
House Speaker Dennis Hastert  "Den"
Rep. George Miller (D-CA)  "Georgie"
CIA director George Tenet  "Georgie Boy"
Columnist George Will "Georgie Pordgie Boy"
George H.W. Bush  "Daddy"
Barbara Bush "Mommy"
Russian pres. Vladimir Putin  "Commie"
Defense Sec. Donald Rumsfeld  "Bombie"
Sen. Strom Thurmond (R- SC)  "Zombie"
Daughter Barbara  "Jenna"
Daughter Jenna "Barbara"
Wife Laura  "Chain & Ball"'s Rich Galen  "Richie"
Rep. Fred Upton (R-MI)  "Freddy"
Sen. Ben Nelson (D-NE)  "Benny"
Bush adviser Karl Rove  “Karlie”
Economic adviser Larry Lindsey  “Larry-ee”
Late Rapper Eazy-E  "E-e"
Poet e.e. cummings "E-e-e"
Sen. Susan Collins (R-ME)  “Sweet Susan”
Sen. Olympia Snowe (R-ME)  “Sweetie”
Ag. Sec Ann Veneman  “Sugar”
CNN's Candy Crowley  “Sugar Candy”
NSA Condoleezza Rice  “Brown Sugar”
New York Time's Maureen Dowd  “Diabetes”
TX Judge Lee Jackson  “Action Jackson”
Dallas Morning News' David Jackson  “Action Jackson”
Fed Judge Thomas Pennfield Jackson “Action Jackson”
Baseball Great Reggie Jackson “Action Jackson”
Rev. Jesse Jackson  “Jesse”
Rapper O’Shea Jackson “Cube”
MSNBC's Geraldo Rivera “Big Mouth”
Rev. Al Sharpton  “Big Hair”
Dem. Donor Denise Rich “Big Tits”
VP Dick Cheney  “Big Dick”
Columnist Jack Germond “Jack Hoff”
Time's John Dickerson  “Dick Hertz”
L.A. Times' Matea Gold “I.P. Daily”
Sen. Daniel Akaka (D-HI) “King Kamaniwannafuckya”
Sen. Tim Hutchinson (R-AR)  “Hutch”
CNN's Andrea Mitchell “Mitch”
Journalist Christopher Hitchens “Chris”
FNC's Carl Cameron  “Camerones” (Spanish for shrimp) 
Former Labor Secy Robert Reich “Squirt”
Ross Perot  “Pipsqueak”
American Values' Gary Bauer “Short Stuff”
Sen Barbara Mikulski “Shorty”
Sen. Bill Frist (R-TN)  “Doc”
Brother Neil Bush “Sneezy”
Court TV’s Catherine Crier “Weepy”
GOP hopeful Steve Forbes “Creepy”
Sen. Jesse Helms (R-NC) “Grumpy”
Sen. Max Cleland (D-GA) “Stumpy”
Sen. Bob Smith (R-NH) “Lumpy”
Former Pres. Gerald Ford “Bumpy”
Former VP Dan Quayle “Dopey”
Dem. Can. Al Gore “Mopey”
Rep. Jerry Nadler (D-NY) “Fat Boy”
Former Sen. Bill Bradley “Tall Boy”
Rep. Barney Frank (D-MA)  “Gay Boy”
Sen. Dan Burton (R-IN) “Playboy”
FNC's Bill O'Reilly “O Boy”
Rep. David Bonior “Boner Boy”
Hotline's Howard Mortman “Funny Boy”
Canadian PM Jean Chretien  “Frenchie”
French Pres. Jacques Chirac “Frenchie LaPouf”
Chinese Pres. Jiang Zemin “Tojo” 
Australian PM John Howard  “Crocodile Dundee”
British PM Tony Blair “Benny Hill”
Monty Python’s John Cleese “Benny Hill”
Sec/State Colin Powell  “Baloonfoot”
Rep. Bob Barr (R-GA) “Baloonhead”
Mich Gov. John Engler “Baloon”
Eden’s Crush  “The Spice Girls”
Weekly Standard's William Kristol “You Look Mahhvelous”
Fmr. Sen. Alan Simpson (R-WY) “O.J.”
O.J. Simpson  “Juice”
Jerome “Curly” Howard “Baldy”
Moses “Moe” Howard “Pokey”
Samuel “Shemp” Howard “Slappy”
Larry “Larry” Fine “Porcupine”
Rapper Eminem “Marsh”
NRA Pres. Charlton Heston  “Shooter”
Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) “Looter”
Fmr. Speak. Newt Gingrich “Neuter”
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) “Hothead”
Gov. Gary Johnson (R-NM) “Pothead”
Rep. James Trafficant (D-OH) “Knothead”
Fmr. Pres. Bill Clinton  “Gothead”
Eagle Foundation’s Phyllis Schlafly “Philly”
USA Today’s Jill Lawrence “Jilly”
Columnist Ann Coulter “Shrilly”
Bloomberg News' Dick Keil  “Stretch”
Washington Times Bill Sammon  “Stretchie”
Sen. Joe Lieberman (D-CT) “Kvetchie”
FNC's Mort Kondracke  “Kont Dracula”
Green Party Cand. Ralph Nader “Greenie”
House Maj. Whip Tom Delay “Meanie”
Rep. Christopher Cox (R-CA) “Cox”
Sen Barbara Boxer (D-CA) “Box”
Sen. Arlen Specter (R-PA) “Lox”
Reform Party Cand. Pat Buchanan “Adolph”
Ex-Pentagon Aide Linda Tripp “Laid Off”
FL. Secy/State Katherine Harris “Paid Off”
Fmr. Secy/State Henry Kissinger “Ve Haf Vays (Uf Making You Talk)”
Sen. Phil Gramm (R-TX)  “Graham Cracker”
Rep. Lindsay Graham (R-SC)  “Cracker”
Rep. Henry Hyde (R-IL) “Shacker”
Actor Ned Beatty “Wheeeeeeeeee”
Sen Ben Nighthorse Campbell (R-CO) “Big Chief Falling Harley”
Former Pres. Bill Clinton  “Big Chief Falling Pants”
VP Counsel Mary Matalin “Bride of the Viper Man”
House Min. Leader Dick Gephardt “Dickwad”
Sen. Tom Daschle “Bung Wipe”
Sen. Paul Wellstone (D-MN) “Pantywaist”
Sen. Ted Kennedy (D-MA)  “Whisky Business”
Rep. Bernie Sanders (I-VT) “He Whose Farts Stink of the Grave”
DNC Chair Terry McAuliffe “The Devil Walking on Cloven Hooves”
NY Time's Adam Clymer “Asshole”

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