THE WITZELSUCHT MEMORANDUM

"Where Top-Hat, Red-Carpet Service is Considered a Motto"

FEB WEB LAUNCH . . . the usual phraseology
 

MORE WIT MEMO ONE-SENTENCE MOVIE REVIEWS OF MOVIES NOT SEEN:

SHE'S ALL THAT:  Gorgeous, sexy babe actress made up as ugly duckling to sell screen transformation from ugly duckling to gorgeous, sexy babe.

VARSITY BLUES:   Jocks get all the chicks.


PECKERGATE:   IT WAS A GOOD WEEK FOR:

Sky-high-IQ scribe CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS, who made the rare jump from Pundwit to Player (eat your heart out, Jonathan Turlet!) and kicked up some free publicity just as he's about to come out with a book on the Prez's misdeeds.  (AS MICHAEL CORLEONE said, "it's the smart move.")   Wethinks Hitch gave POTUS Shill SIDNEY BLUMENTHAL over as a test of his theory that Bill's a conniving, deceitful scallywag who'd let a devoted friend throw himself on a grenade ("dangle," Hitchens said) rather than suffer a whit of consequence himself.  Gee whiz, Mr. Hitchens, we knew all that when we voted for him!

Careful WIT MEMO readers know we've long been in awe of Hitch's razor wit (see WIT MEMOs 4 & 5), but we're wondering just how far he's willing to take his Vow to eat a CONTEMPT RAP rather than testify in a prosecution of his friend.   He wasn't one bit amused Monday night when MSNBC'S John HOCKENBERRY jokingly wished him "luck" in staying out of the hoosegow.   We sure hope he knows what he's doing, 'cause that STARR crowd plays rough, and, the bars in jail aren't ANYTHING like TIMBERLAKE'S!
 

MORE PECKERGATE:  WIT MEMO IMPEACHMENT TRIAL APOLOGY

AS THE PREMIER DRUM-BEATER for MONICA testimony, WIT MEMO would like to APOLOGIZE for the funereal spectacle the Witness Portion of the Impeachment trial turned out to be, owing to the cowardly decision of the HOUSE MANAGERS -those SONS OF A SEACOOK- to steer clear of "salacious" material, thereby foreclosing the possibility she'd say anything even vaguely related to you-know-what.  Instead of all the JUICY DETAILS we'd waited so long to hear from her Own Lips, the proceedings devolved into a yawn-inducing parade of argle-bargle about who-told-who about her subpoena, and who-asked-who for some crummy gifts.  To have come this far and then Quit so close to the finish line . . .  It just couldn't have turned out any worse.  We're SO SORRY.

We said it was all about SEX,  but we were WRONG.

Turns out, it's all about BOREDOM.
 

NONETHELESS, We DID manage to catch a bit of the closing arguments after work and take a few notes . . .


IT WAS ALSO A GOOD WEEK FOR . . .

THE CLAREMONT INSTITUTE, which reaped tons of free PR when their speaking invitation to alleged erotica aficionado and Supreme Court Judge CLARENCE THOMAS sparked the usual unoriginal, predictable-as-clockwork protests his rubber chicken circuit engagements invariably evoke.  You can't BUY publicity like that!  (For just about everyone reading this, The Claremont Institute is an obscure, nobody-would- have-heard-of-it-otherwise "think tank" that masks its animus for POTUS behind Talmudic analyses of the writings of the sometimes-slave holding, occasionally antidemocratic "Founders."  WIT MEMO's on their e-mail list courtesy of having graduated from kissin' cousin' CLAREMONT MCKENNA (né Men's) COLLEGE    . . . where we learned that Orange County right-wingers can smoke every bit as much weed as their counterparts at the Eastern Liberal Universities.)
 

NEWS HEADLINES -or- CAN WE EVER TRUST THE FOURTH ESTATE AGAIN?

STAR:  LIZ SOBS: I BLAME MYSELF FOR LARRY'S SUICIDE ATTEMPT.

GLOBE:  LIZ HUBBY MURDER PLOT: LARRY'S TRAGIC FALL WAS NO ACCIDENT, PALS FEAR.

Compliment?  Complaint? Lemme Know!!

jeffrey@witmemo.com

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